Hell Freezes Over

Hell Freezes OverI cannot count the number of times I heard the words “When Hell freezes over” during my teenage years.  The words were usually uttered in response to one of my seemingly reasonable requests.  “Mom, I know I banged up your car a little bit last time I borrowed it, but could I have it again tonight to take some friends to the mall?” or “Dad, I was wondering if I could get off restriction a few days early so I could go a beach party with my friends?”.  I could believe with a high measure of certainty I would not get to do either of those things.

I used to listen to a lot of Eagles music.  I was so bummed when the band broke up in May of 1982.  They were what could be considered a “super-group”; many stand alone, big-named talents that came into, and drifted out of, the band.  This probably caused them to get too big for their collective britches.    They were given some attractive offers to try to get them to reunite, but the members responded with “When Hell freezes over”.  Apparently the dollar figure in the offer went high enough to get the mercury to go low enough.  In 1994, the Eagles reunited to tape an MTV special concert and went on tour for about two years culminating with the release of their “Hell Freezes Over” album, a live recording capturing the MTV appearance that was ‘never supposed to happen”.

Back in the late 70’s and early 80’s, I spent a lot of time driving all over Western Arizona.  Some of it looked like it could be Hell and much of it felt like it most of the time.  On one particular stretch of road heading from Blythe, California to Prescott, Arizona, some creative folks self-named a couple of little hamlets “Hell” and “Nowhere”.  Right in-between the two, there was a little gas station/ grocery store combo with a sign out front that read “You’re halfway between Hell and Nowhere”.  Although the area could get a little bit chilly and see some snow from time to time, I don’t think their Hell ever came close to freezing over.  However, In January 2014, the BBC had some fun reporting that the town of Hell, Michigan had frozen over.  The city was just about completely shut down, the power had failed and even the snow plows weren’t operating.

Some of my theological friends maintain that Hell is buried deep beneath the surface of the earth where the fires never go out (but not necessarily directly beneath Michigan – for all my Buckeye friends).  My friends who are experts in the field of physics, although skeptical as to the existence of a literal Hell, concur that – if Hell did exist – the exothermic regions deep within the earth, those lava and magma factories, would be a logical location.  If this is true, the weather patterns of the last few weeks would indeed suggest things “downstairs” may have gone endothermic.  Hell may have in fact “frozen over”.  Just think of all the things that will finally happen; things that were never a remote possibility before the landscape became a giant ice rink!  That sweepstakes guy will finally find your house, men and women will understand each other and I will finally be able to buy that Cleveland Browns Super Bowl Champions jersey!

© 2015 Curt Savage Media

© 2015 Curt Savage Media

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